Instead of awkwardly typing on your phone’s keypad something to the extent of “cant find yr house” or “theyre charging a cover here at this venue,” try using server response codes!

200 = OK
The client’s request was successful, and the server’s response contains the requested data.

[FRIEND] hows the sushi ovr there?
[YOU] 200

or

[FRIEND] is it cool if i come over after work w/ a 6pack?
[YOU] 200

202 = Accepted
The request was accepted but not immediately acted upon. More information about the transaction may be given in the entity body of the server’s response. There is no guarantee that the server will actually honor the request, even though it may seem like a legitimate request at the time of acceptance.

[FRIEND] come to our party tonite. addy = 2143 hoyne apt4. theres a keg
[YOU] 202

204 = No Content
A status code and header is given in the response, but there is no entity body in the reply. Browsers should not update their document view upon receiving this response. This is a useful code for an imagemap handler to return when the user clicks on useless or blank areas of an image.

Use this one in place of “lame” or “nothing exciting here”

[FRIEND] how’s the music ovr there? djs start yet?
[YOU] 204

300 = Multiple Choices
The requested URI refers to more than one resource. For example, the URI could refer to a document that has been translated into many languages. The entity body returned by the server could have a list of more specific data about how to choose the correct resource.

[FRIEND] hey whats goin on tonite?
[YOU] 300

301 = Moved Permanently
The requested URI is no longer used by the server, and the operation specified in the request was not performed. The new location for the requested document is specified in the Location header. All future requests for the document should use the new URI.

[FRIEND] yo im heading ovr there now ok?
[YOU] 301: rodan

302 = Moved Temporarily
The requested URI has moved, but only temporarily. The Location header points to the new location. Immediately after receiving this status code, the client should use the new URI to resolve the request, but the old URI should be used for all future requests.

Use this one in place of “brb.”

[FRIEND] yo im heading ovr there now ok?
[YOU] 302

401 = Unauthorized
The result code is given along with the WW-Authenticate header to indicate that the request lacked proper authorization, and the client should supply proper authorization when requesting this URI again.

[FRIEND] were u able to get in without yr ID? or no?
[YOU] 401

402 = Payment Required
This code is not yet implemented in HTTP.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t use it over SMS!

[FRIEND] is it a free show 2nite or is there a cover?
[YOU] 402

403 = Forbidden
The request was denied for a reason the server does not want to (or has no means to) indicate to the client.

[FRIEND] i herd the show was sold out. did u get in?
[YOU] 403

or

[FRIEND] how’d it go last night with that new girl???
[YOU] 403

404 = Not Found
The document at the specified URI does not exist.

[FRIEND] is there any parking outside the place? did you find any?
[YOU] 404

or

[FRIEND] where teh frak r you??? weve been waiting for 2 hrs now…
[YOU] 404

or, [*advanced*] as an inverted request, signalling “i’m lost”:

[YOU] 404
[FRIEND] 2 blks n of armitage at dickens, 3rd bldng on right

405 = Method Not Allowed
This code is given with the Allow header and indicates that the method used by the client is not supported for this URI.

[FRIEND] can i bring my dogs to the theater?
[YOU] 405

406 = Not Acceptable
The URI specified by the client exists, but not in a format preferred by the client. Along with this code, the server provides the Content-Language, Content-Encoding, and Content-Type headers.

[FRIEND] sup doo000000d?? im bringin 2 transvestites and some bondage gear to yr party tonite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAWK on!
[YOU] 406

409 = Conflict
This code indicates that the request conflicts with another request or with the server’s configuration. Information about the conflict should be returned in the data portion of the reply.

[FRIEND] can you meet me @ 4:30 @ filter today?
[YOU] 409: dentist appt

410 Gone
This code indicates that the requested URI no longer exists and has been permanently removed from the server.

[FRIEND] what happend to that cute roomate you had?
[YOU] 410

(I orginally posted this on the Modsquare forums in 2002. it’s been updated from that version)

[tags]sms, mobile, geek, funny, humor, text messaging, culture[/tags]